Studying Parenting

I wish everyone would get on the same page with parenting advice.  I’m the kind of person who, when I haven’t done something before, wants instructions on how to do it.  I don’t like doing things incorrectly, so not having instruction is hard for me.

When it comes to parenting, there is plenty of advice to be found on how to parent.  My problem is that it’s all different!  Sometimes it seems that everyone I talk to has different opinions.  All the books say different things, and even all the pediatricians!  What the heck?

Nathanael isn’t the greatest sleeper right now, so I’ve been seeking advice on what I could be doing better.  Every book has a different technique.  Every parent has a different trick.  And every pediatrician has their own advice to give.  These are the things I have been told or read:

·         Don’t let him nap in his crib, the crib is only for bedtime

·         Don’t let him sleep anywhere but the crib

·         Make him cry it out

·         Nurse him to sleep

·         Rock him to sleep

·         Never nurse him to sleep

·         Put him to bed earlier

·         Put him to bed later

·         Swaddle him

·         Don’t swaddle him

·         Try a pacifier

·         Don’t give him anything that he can’t give himself

Ahh!! It makes my head spin!  Will someone please just tell me the right way to do this??

It’s times like these where I wish the Bible gave more practical, step by step instructions on how to be a parent.  Recently I have found myself asking: What does the Bible say about parenting?  What does God expect me to do as a parent?

Here is what I have learned through my own study.

1.    God wants parents to guide their children in the right direction and teach them about Him and His commandments.  One way that he wants us to do this is by showing them by the way we live.  They will learn from our example.

Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost.—Proverbs 22:6 *

…By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives.  We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.  Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.  But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane.  Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around. –Titus 2:1-8

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts.  Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.  Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. –Deuteronomy 6:6-9

See also: 2 Corinthians 12:14

2.       God wants us to discipline our children.  A majority of what the Bible says about parenting is along these lines.

A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them. –Proverbs 13:24

Discipline your children; you’ll be glad you did, –they’ll turn out delightful to live with. –Proverbs 29:17

See also: Proverbs 29:15, Proverbs 23:13-14, and Proverbs 19:18

3.       God wants us to show our children grace.

Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.  Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. –Ephesians 6:4

See also: Colossians 3:21

Ultimately, God wants us to parent our children as he parents us.  Part of the Bible is the story of God parenting us. 

…He is treating you as dear children.  This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children.  Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves.  Would you prefer an irresponsible God?  We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live?  While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them.  But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best.  At the time, discipline isn’t much fun.  It always feels like it’s going against the grain.  Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. –Hebrews 12:4-11

So how does God parent us?

He gives us guidelines for a full-life.  He told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  He gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments.  We will have everlasting life if we accept Jesus as our Savior. 

See also: John 10:10

He allows us free-will. He allows us to make our own decisions.  He didn’t put a fence around the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and Eve made the choice to eat the fruit from it.  He didn’t make the Israelites follow the Ten Commandments.  We have the choice whether or not we will accept Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins.

He disciplines us.  Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden for disobeying.  The Israelites had to wander in the desert because they did not trust him.  If we don’t accept Christ, then we don’t get to go to heaven.

He extends grace to us.  Adam and Eve, the Israelites, and their future generations were given a second chance.  God gives us a way out of our sin, through his Son.

Those are the things that God cares about when it comes to our parenting.  Ultimately I remember what one of my good friends told me.  I am the mother of my child.  No one else can be Nathanael’s mother.  Only I have that title.  God gives me wisdom and guidance to parent Nathanael.  Every parent and every child is different and only God knows best how to parent each and every one of us.  He created us and he is the perfect parent.

* All text is taken from The Message

When He Finally Falls Asleep

When Nathanael finally falls asleep I do one of the following things:
1. Take a nap myself
2. Get some work done
3. Scrapbook

I really enjoy scrapbooking.  I like the actually act of putting together layouts and designs and then being able to look back on them.  Nathanael was born in January and my second scrapbook is almost full.  Yeah, I take a lot of pictures of this boy, and I want to save them all in my scrapbook!  However, I have come to realize that I will probably need to start picking my absolute favorites to scrapbook because if I keep this up, before the year is done, I will have filled 5 scrapbooks!

Before Nathanael was born, I had quite a few crafty things that I liked to keep up with.  But I have found that I cannot keep up with all of those things, so if I am keeping one steady, crafty, hobby, it would have to be scrapbooking.  I have looked into the digital scrapbooks that shutterfly and snapfish offer, but there is something about holding the photos in my hands, cutting the paper, and placing the stickers, that I just love. 

Here are some of my favorite layouts that I have done this year:  

I wish I could have a job where I could just stay home and scrapbook.  My mom had me organize her photos and put them in scrapbooks because she got behind.  Anyone else want to pay me to do that?

#reallife

One of my favorite things that we do in our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Group is we post photos of our real life.  Even the worst of it.  So often the images we see on social media are people’s perfect self, their perfect life.  We control what we put on social media and we only want to put our best self out there.  We won’t post a selfie when we are having a bad hair day, we try not to show our house when it is not perfectly clean.  We only post pictures of our happy children.  But let’s be honest, that’s not real life.  This is real life:

Sometimes your child spits up on you while you are laying on the couch and then rubs his face in it.  Then, since there is no one at home to help you, you have to sit up, letting it all run down your shirt, in order to get you both cleaned up.  Gross!

Sometimes you just can't get to the laundry and when you finally do, it looks like this.

Sometimes you have to eat dinner on the floor in front of the TV because you can't eat at the table.

Sometimes the dishes don't get done, you can't take a shower, you can't get out of your pajamas.  Sometimes life is just too crazy to be perfect.  Sometimes you spend your whole day rocking your teething child.  Some days you just need to sit on the couch, eat a whole row of Oreos, and watch some TV and neglect the housework.  And that's okay!  It happens to everyone.  Our lives aren't perfect, they are REAL.

Haven't showered since yesterday, still in my PJ's, wearing a sweater that I've worn for the past 3 days, and a crying child who just won't take a nap.  This is my life, it's real, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

 
Comment with pictures of your #reallife!

Parenting involves a lot of but(t)s

Where has the time gone?!

I have sat down at this desk so many times over the past month to pay bills, look at pictures, and work, and only a handful of times have I thought, "I'd really like to blog."  When those times did hit, something would happen to pull me away and with my new mommy brain I would forget what I wanted to say.  

At this very moment Nathanael is taking a nap and I'm not able to fall asleep, so I guess I will blog.
So I guess the first thing to update you on is that I have a son (guess that means I have to stop writing in pink)!  He was born on January 21st, so this Sunday he will be five months old!  I cannot believe it.

One of the reasons that it has been so hard to sit down and write is because if I'm going to write about being a mom, then I want to be honest with you, and if I'm being honest with you, then I need you to know that being a parent is hard work.  It is harder than I ever imagined it would be.  Because of this when I sit down and write about what my life looks like right now, it seems to come off like a list of complaints, which is not what I want to communicate at all!  Therefore, I have decided that if I'm being honest, parenting involves a lot of but(t)s.

Yes, there is the obvious butt that you are all thinking about, and yes, that stinks, but I wanted to talk about some other buts with parenting.

Being a mom is a very hard job, BUT it's the best job I have ever had!
Nathanael demands a lot of attention BUT I'm glad that it's me that he wants.
My son doesn't like to go to sleep, even when he is exhausted, and this causes him to cry a lot, BUT when he does fall asleep it makes me so much more thankful that he is getting his rest.
It hurts my heart and makes me frustrated when Nathanael cries and is inconsolable, BUT one smile and I forget all of that.
I am exhausted, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, drowning is housework, BUT Nathanael makes it all worth it.

What else is there to say?  Parenting is hard, challenging, frustrating, BUT it is also amazing, exciting, fulfilling, and brings me so much joy.  And I just need to remember that this is just the season.  He won't cry forever and he won't want to snuggle with me forever, so I just need to take the crying and the snuggles together because before long everything will be different.