Studying Parenting

I wish everyone would get on the same page with parenting advice.  I’m the kind of person who, when I haven’t done something before, wants instructions on how to do it.  I don’t like doing things incorrectly, so not having instruction is hard for me.

When it comes to parenting, there is plenty of advice to be found on how to parent.  My problem is that it’s all different!  Sometimes it seems that everyone I talk to has different opinions.  All the books say different things, and even all the pediatricians!  What the heck?

Nathanael isn’t the greatest sleeper right now, so I’ve been seeking advice on what I could be doing better.  Every book has a different technique.  Every parent has a different trick.  And every pediatrician has their own advice to give.  These are the things I have been told or read:

·         Don’t let him nap in his crib, the crib is only for bedtime

·         Don’t let him sleep anywhere but the crib

·         Make him cry it out

·         Nurse him to sleep

·         Rock him to sleep

·         Never nurse him to sleep

·         Put him to bed earlier

·         Put him to bed later

·         Swaddle him

·         Don’t swaddle him

·         Try a pacifier

·         Don’t give him anything that he can’t give himself

Ahh!! It makes my head spin!  Will someone please just tell me the right way to do this??

It’s times like these where I wish the Bible gave more practical, step by step instructions on how to be a parent.  Recently I have found myself asking: What does the Bible say about parenting?  What does God expect me to do as a parent?

Here is what I have learned through my own study.

1.    God wants parents to guide their children in the right direction and teach them about Him and His commandments.  One way that he wants us to do this is by showing them by the way we live.  They will learn from our example.

Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost.—Proverbs 22:6 *

…By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives.  We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.  Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.  But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane.  Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around. –Titus 2:1-8

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts.  Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.  Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. –Deuteronomy 6:6-9

See also: 2 Corinthians 12:14

2.       God wants us to discipline our children.  A majority of what the Bible says about parenting is along these lines.

A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them. –Proverbs 13:24

Discipline your children; you’ll be glad you did, –they’ll turn out delightful to live with. –Proverbs 29:17

See also: Proverbs 29:15, Proverbs 23:13-14, and Proverbs 19:18

3.       God wants us to show our children grace.

Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.  Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. –Ephesians 6:4

See also: Colossians 3:21

Ultimately, God wants us to parent our children as he parents us.  Part of the Bible is the story of God parenting us. 

…He is treating you as dear children.  This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children.  Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves.  Would you prefer an irresponsible God?  We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live?  While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them.  But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best.  At the time, discipline isn’t much fun.  It always feels like it’s going against the grain.  Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. –Hebrews 12:4-11

So how does God parent us?

He gives us guidelines for a full-life.  He told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  He gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments.  We will have everlasting life if we accept Jesus as our Savior. 

See also: John 10:10

He allows us free-will. He allows us to make our own decisions.  He didn’t put a fence around the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and Eve made the choice to eat the fruit from it.  He didn’t make the Israelites follow the Ten Commandments.  We have the choice whether or not we will accept Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins.

He disciplines us.  Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden for disobeying.  The Israelites had to wander in the desert because they did not trust him.  If we don’t accept Christ, then we don’t get to go to heaven.

He extends grace to us.  Adam and Eve, the Israelites, and their future generations were given a second chance.  God gives us a way out of our sin, through his Son.

Those are the things that God cares about when it comes to our parenting.  Ultimately I remember what one of my good friends told me.  I am the mother of my child.  No one else can be Nathanael’s mother.  Only I have that title.  God gives me wisdom and guidance to parent Nathanael.  Every parent and every child is different and only God knows best how to parent each and every one of us.  He created us and he is the perfect parent.

* All text is taken from The Message