Time is Valuable

I've been thinking a lot about my time: where it goes, how I spend it, and what that means.  I've read several books about being work, household, and leisure balance.  Right now I am busy but now every hour of every day and I realized that I have a lot of leisure time right now.  I put housework on the back burner and I just spend my days the way I want to.  But does that make me happy?  Am I productive?

I have been pondering a lot of things in this inner dialogue with myself.  I spend a majority of my time focused on screens.  I work on a screen, but most of my leisure is also taken up by a screen.  Am I happy about that?  What does that say about my priorities?  And this is the new question on my mind:  Is that how I want to train my child to be also?

No.  And that is really not even what I want for myself.  You know what has happened to me?  I've gotten lazy.  When I think about my priorities and what I want to show is important to me, I do not want screens to be a priority.  I want God, my family, and time with other people to be my priorities, along with work.  Is my time showing these things?  Absolutely not.  And that has really been haunting me.

I don't want my child to associate time with me with a screen.  I need to disconnect.  This is something I need to continue to think and pray about, but let's just say for now that I am very convicted by the fact that I watched the whole series of Gilmore Girls this last month.  I've read over 200 books this year and watched over 200 movies.  But what does that matter?  How much have I read my Bible?  How comfortable has my home been?  Have I created any new relationships?  Have I grown myself in any way?  I'm not sure.

My time has been showing that I am selfish.  Is that how I want my child to view me?  Children learn by seeing.  What will my children see when they look at me?

Preparing for Parenthood

If you asked me how I'm preparing to be a parent, I would tell you that I'm doing several things.  I’m reading.  I’m asking questions.  I’m fellowshipping with other mom’s and parents.  But that actually sounds like I'm making progress.

I’m not going to be able to learn everything, or even close to that, about parenting before the baby comes.  I know that a lot of it will be trial and error for our family to find out what works, and that’s a little scary.  Sure, there are general things that when talking with people we can plan to do, but it’s largely going to be about our family and our baby.  So there’s not a lot I can do right now to prepare, and that’s scary.  But I’m filling my head with as much information as I can, and I’m hoping that will pay off in the end.

What is the best parenting advice you have ever gotten?

I'm Losing Control

I realized this morning that pregnancy is preparing me to be a parent.  I am the kind of person who likes to be in control.  I like to have a plan and stick as close to that plan as possible.  I can be flexible and change my plan, even though it frustrates me, but I like to be the one in control of that.

With pregnancy, I have no control.  I have no control over how I feel day to day, I have no control over what foods I’m actually going to want to eat.  I have no control over how tired I am.  I have no control over growing my child, at this point.  Sure I can eat well and exercise, but in general I have no control over what my body is doing. 

For example, I plan to sleep 9 hours so I can get a lot of work done the next day.  I end up waking up twice to go to the bathroom and a countless number of times to get comfortable, and then I wake up with a migraine that lasts the rest of the day.  See?  No control.

I think this is one way that pregnancy is preparing me to be a parent.  When this baby is born, I will have no control.  I will literally have no control over when my water breaks and I go into labor.  I will have no control over when the baby starts crying.  I will have no control over when the baby wants to eat. 

 

Pregnancy is preparing me for a very long season of not being in control.  It will be an adventure, that I am sure of, so I guess my plan will have to be “go with the flow because it’s out of your control”.