I've been thinking a lot about my time: where it goes, how I spend it, and what that means. I've read several books about being work, household, and leisure balance. Right now I am busy but now every hour of every day and I realized that I have a lot of leisure time right now. I put housework on the back burner and I just spend my days the way I want to. But does that make me happy? Am I productive?
I have been pondering a lot of things in this inner dialogue with myself. I spend a majority of my time focused on screens. I work on a screen, but most of my leisure is also taken up by a screen. Am I happy about that? What does that say about my priorities? And this is the new question on my mind: Is that how I want to train my child to be also?
No. And that is really not even what I want for myself. You know what has happened to me? I've gotten lazy. When I think about my priorities and what I want to show is important to me, I do not want screens to be a priority. I want God, my family, and time with other people to be my priorities, along with work. Is my time showing these things? Absolutely not. And that has really been haunting me.
I don't want my child to associate time with me with a screen. I need to disconnect. This is something I need to continue to think and pray about, but let's just say for now that I am very convicted by the fact that I watched the whole series of Gilmore Girls this last month. I've read over 200 books this year and watched over 200 movies. But what does that matter? How much have I read my Bible? How comfortable has my home been? Have I created any new relationships? Have I grown myself in any way? I'm not sure.
My time has been showing that I am selfish. Is that how I want my child to view me? Children learn by seeing. What will my children see when they look at me?
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